


Reverberations

by performativezippers



Series: Revelations [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Oneshots in the Revelations Universe, Sanvers is endgame, Some Fluff, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, These soft soulmates, but mostly just soulmates out and about, even Chyler knows #sanvers are always #soulmates, oneshots, probably a small bit of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-01 16:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13298901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/performativezippers/pseuds/performativezippers
Summary: A series of one-shots, presented out of order, in the Revelations universe in which, as we all know, Sanvers are always soulmates





	1. Softball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Reverberations, the one-shot series in the Revelations universe! I'm so happy to be back writing in this universe.
> 
> These will be posted in the order I write them, not chronologically in the universe. Most will take place after the conclusion of Revelations and Revelations: Sharks but I'm happy to go back in time if prompted! Please send me what you'd like to see - either here in the comments on on my tumblr (same username).
> 
> luff you all

They’re sprawled out on the couch, exhausted after a long day of work. Maggie had been stuck at the precinct, buried in paperwork, and had come into the apartment rubbing her neck and groaning. Alex had been training new recruits in the sparring room all day, and had come in rubbing her ribs and groaning.

They’d called in for Thai and had eaten in a tired stupor before collapsing on the couch, Alex aimlessly scrolling through Netflix and Maggie flopping halfway on top of her, eyes closed, trying to stave off a migraine.

“Oh, _A League of Their Own_ ,” Alex finally says after what felt like an eternity of passing on endless B-movies, cancelled tv shows, and outdated documentaries. “I totally forgot about that movie! I used to love it.”

“Gay,” Maggie drawls, her eyes still closed, holding up one finger straight up in the air in proclamation. “That’s gay.”

Alex’s eyebrows fly up – one of the only parts of her body that doesn’t hurt. “Excuse me?”

Maggie deigns to open just one eye. “Little girls who love _A League of Their Own_ grow up to like other girls. It’s like, a statistical thingy.”

“A statistical _thingy_ ,” Alex deadpans back to her.

Maggie closes her one eye again, waving her hand absently in the air. “You know what I mean. Science and stuff.”

Alex runs her fingers through Maggie’s hair, taking care not to get caught in any tangles. “Mmm,” she hums softly, her voice loving and indulgent. “Well, if it’s _science and stuff_ , I guess I have to believe it.”

Maggie shuffles until she’s closer to having her head in Alex’s lap, making sure her movements are slow enough that Alex can keep doing exactly what she’s doing.

Alex starts the movie, and she sees Maggie’s eyes crack open every once in a while. She makes sure to keep the volume low, assuming Maggie will be asleep before Dottie and Kit make it to tryouts.

But right after Madonna and Rosie O’Donnell show up, Maggie, from her place in Alex’s lap, clears her throat a little bit. “Who’d you have the biggest crush on?” she asks, her voice tired and a little rough.

“In the movie?”

Maggie makes a little sound that Alex assumes means yes.

“Um, I’m not sure. I know that, after Kara came, I identified with both Kit and Dottie – Dottie because I was constantly having to take care of Kara, and she was always tagging along, but Kit because it was like Kara could do no wrong, you know?” Maggie makes a little humming noise of her own. “But I think, in retrospect, I always liked looking at Madonna, and I liked her attitude.”

Maggie pats Alex’s leg, and it’s adorable because she’s so sleepy that her hand is nearly floppy. “You’re a boobs lesbian,” she agrees.

“What about you?” Alex asks, curious both about the answer and about if Maggie can stay awake long enough to answer.

“Dunno,” she mumbles. “I think Kit and Madonna. Not Dottie. Too blonde, too perfect. Not enough darkness in her soul.”

That makes Alex actually snort, because fully-awake Maggie would never say something like that. She immediately decides to have serious philosophical conversations with half-asleep Maggie as often as she can.

“Would you have done it?” Alex asks, about twenty minutes later, after Maggie has gotten up to go the bathroom and returned back to her exact spot, her head nestled in Alex’s lap, Alex’s fingers slipping easily back into her hair. “Would you have wanted to play professionally, if it had still been an option?”

“Yeah, probably,” Maggie mumbles, her eyes both closed again. “But it would have depended on if it was baseball or not.”

Alex scrunches up her forehead. “Wait, what?”

“I played softball.” Her eyes are still closed, her hands wrapped around Alex’s thigh, and she’s unconsciously nuzzling her cheek into Alex’s leg. “And they’re playing baseball. Different ball, different base running, different pitching style. Woulda been a hard transition.”

And suddenly Alex is struck with a realization that makes her feel like a total idiot. “Oh.”

“Wha?” Maggie hears something in her tone, something a little more intense than just learning the different rules between softball and baseball. She picks her head up a little bit, opening her eyes.

But Alex just shakes her head, gently guiding Maggie back to down to her leg, her fingers already resuming their gentle glide through her hair and across her scalp.

“No, sorry, I just realized. The fourth Revelation, when I was eleven, I thought you were a boy, so I thought it was baseball. But, it was _softball_ , wasn’t it? Your first hobby-sport.”

“Oh. Yeah. Guess the ink is probably the same for both, though.”

“Yeah,” Alex says, but her mind is racing. She’s quickly rewriting her entire story, again, running her life through her brain at top speed, wishing she could easily _control + F_ for the word baseball and just _find + replace_ it with softball.

There are just so many things like that, these little hanging chads of heterosexuality, that she’s finding all over her life. Like little tiny land mines – the simplest conversation or idea that she’s had a million times is suddenly turned on its head. She’s felt pretty good about how she’s dealt with the big stuff, but it’s all the details that keep tripping her up. Like, Maggie’s tiny so Alex can’t wear her clothes, so any baggy clothes she’d like to steal for casual days around the house or pjs will have to be specially bought. Just in general, realizing she’s going to be the physically larger person in the relationship has been a bit of a body image trip.

The childhood jokes about how after Alex would finally bring home her soulmate her dad wouldn’t be so outnumbered now alternate between sticking in her throat and making her laugh.

She’s started seeing the little domestic things she’d always taken for granted in a new light. She’d always just assumed that her soulmate would fill a similar role to her father – because she, as a professional, a scientist, and a badass would be similar to her mother – but now who opens the doors for who and who drives and who takes out the trash and who will carve the thanksgiving turkey are becoming questions and choices and conversations, instead of automatic thoughtless assignments. And she likes that – she likes trading off driving and who rides bitch on the motorcycle and who does the dishes and who takes out the trash. But, it’s just that every once in a while, she forgets or she sees it all in fresh light and it messes with her.

And the other day she remembered how she and Kara used to dream and imagine how her soulmate would propose to her, cementing himself as Kara’s big brother. And she had thought it was different now because her soulmate would become Kara’s big sister, but it had hit her with a bit of a jolt the other day that there was no guarantee about who would propose to whom. _Alex_ might be the one to propose, when the time came, and that was incredibly strange to think about.

And it was a month into their relationship before Alex realized she could stop taking birth control.

It’s just little shit like this. Like thinking the word _baseball_ for the last eighteen years, when she should have been thinking _softball_.

It’s so small, and it’s not a big deal, but it just reminds her of all of the big things that have changed since Maggie. Since she’s realized she’s a lesbian.

But, as the movie keeps going, and as her beautiful, exhausted soulmate falls asleep in her lap, Alex’s brain starts whirring. _Softball_.

 

* * *

 

It’s about a month later, and Alex is incredibly nervous. She picks Maggie up from her apartment for a mystery date that Maggie’s been badgering her about since Alex had told her to keep the day clear on her calendar. All she’d told Maggie was to wear a tank top and yoga pants she doesn’t mind getting dirty.

Maggie’d assumed they were going for a hike, but hadn’t stopped interrogating Alex to find out where and why it was such a secret. But J’onn didn’t train Alex for months in withstanding torture and interrogation for her to crack this easily.

Not even when Maggie had resorted to a more… _pleasurable_ form of information gathering.

So Maggie gets in Alex’s car, gives her a hello kiss, and then starts up a non-stop stream of questions and suppositions, focusing on why Alex brought her car instead of her bike.

Alex can’t help but laugh, but she’s nervous.

To Maggie’s surprise, they don’t head out of the city into the hills. Alex doesn’t drive very far at all, actually. She pulls up to a park just a couple of neighborhoods over.

“Are we having a picnic?” Maggie asks, her eyes sparkling. And Alex just can’t help but fall even deeper in love with her. Picnics aren’t really Alex’s thing – sitting on the lumpy ground, battling ants for her lunch, getting sunburned…she doesn’t get the appeal. But Maggie loves them with a sort of unbridled enthusiasm she rarely shows for anything, and it’s, frankly, adorable.

“No, not today babe, but maybe next weekend?”

Maggie narrows her eyes. “Then what are we doing here?”

But Alex doesn’t answer. “Come on,” she says, opening the door and sliding out of the car.

Maggie huffs but gets out too.

Alex walks around the side and grabs what looks like an enormous gym bag out of the trunk. Maggie eyes it, her eyebrows knit in what Alex thinks of as her detecting look. She looks over at the park and back to the bag, and Alex knows she’s busted.

“Come on, slugger,” she says, reaching for Maggie’s arm, finally giving it away.

Maggie’s eyes nearly bug out. “Alex, are we…are we, like…are there _bats_ in there?”

But Alex just grins at her. “Keep up, babe,” she calls over her shoulder as she walks into the park.

 

* * *

 

Maggie’s immediately overwhelmed that Alex somehow found bats, and probably gloves, and brought her to this park to throw a ball around and see if Maggie still remembers how to hit. It’s so cute, and it makes her feel so listened to and cared about. Alex didn’t ever play softball, she didn’t even really ever watch baseball – apparently that was Kara’s thing with Jeremiah, while he was still around – but she must have realized that Maggie missed it and went to all this trouble to put this afternoon together for her.

Alex is the sweetest, most generous, most thoughtful person Maggie has ever dated, and she is just knocked on her ass, each and every day, that she gets to have such an incredible person as her soulmate. Someone who would give up her first free warm Saturday of the year to chase a ball around a park just because Maggie likes it.

But as they get to the top of the rolling hill that separates the parking lot from the baseball diamond, Maggie stops short. Because she’d been expecting to just mess around, her and Alex, or possibly plus Kara and James.

But, as they crest the hill, she sees a bunch of people milling around the diamond. There are maybe fifteen people milling around, all wearing matching red and white shirts. Maggie’s pretty sure Alex will steer her to a different part of the park, a less crowded area. There’s clearly a game or practice going on here.

But Alex leads Maggie directly into the fray, pulling her by the arm into the fringes of the red and white group. All of whom, now that Maggie’s getting a closer look, seem like women who’d loved _A League of Their Own_ when they were kids.

“Hey,” Alex says to the first person they come to, “I’m looking for Erin?”

The woman she’s talking to – a spectacularly butch woman with waves buzzed into her hair – looks both of them up and down. “Oh,” she says, “are you Alex and Maggie?”

And Maggie can’t help that her jaw drops.

Alex is smiling what Maggie thinks of as her _fear not, I come in peace_ smile – the one that she thinks makes her look less threatening, but just emphasizes the fact that her natural air is scary enough that she has to work to disarm strangers she isn’t planning on dismembering. It’s hilarious.

“Yep,” she’s saying. “We are.”

“Hey,” the butch woman holds out her hand to shake. “I’m Buzz. Nice to meet you.” They both shake her hand, Maggie still in a bit of a daze.

Buzz calls over a tall blonde woman, Erin, who introduces herself as the team captain. She’s young, maybe just twenty-five, and looks a little bit like a model. She pulls her hair up into a ponytail as she introduces herself, and Maggie notices her undercut. She hands them both shirts – white with red sleeves. They say “OUTfielders” in big letters on the front, with “sponsored by Home Depot” smaller underneath.

Maggie flips hers over, and sees that she has number 13.

She looks over at Alex in disbelief.

Alex leans in and kisses her on the temple.

“How?” Maggie barely manages.

Alex shrugs a little, but tugs her a few feet away. “I know you miss it,” she explains, looking a little nervous and hesitant about it. “And so I’d thought about asking you to teach me, but I didn’t know how cause it seems hard to do with just two people. But after we were watching _A League of Their Own_ , and I realized you played softball, not baseball, I remembered that there are these softball rec leagues here. And this team was looking for players, and it’s a queer women’s team, and I thought you might want to join.”

She says it all matter-of-factly, like it’s a totally casual thing to do.

“It’s pretty chill, I think. They all drink afterwards, and during, I think, mostly. And, I mean, if you don’t want to, we can leave, but I had just thought…”

But Maggie cuts her off. “Alex. Babe. This is amazing. I love it.”

Alex raises her eyebrows, like she can’t quite believe it. Like she isn’t the most thoughtful soulmate in the world. “Really?”

Maggie pops up on tiptoes to kiss her. “Really.”

Alex leans back in, humming into a second kiss.

After a moment, Maggie looks back down at the shirt in her hands. “Did you know that I used to wear number 13? In college.”

But Alex is fidgeting, and Maggie realizes this deception goes deeper than Alex has told her. “You did know,” Maggie tells her. “How?”

“I, um, might have called your old coach and asked her a couple of things.”

Maggie’s jaw drops yet again. “Coach Randall?”

Alex scratches her arm awkwardly. “Yeah? I went through your old bag and found your stuff, but I wasn’t sure what I’d need to buy for me. So I called her to ask, and she told me about your number. She says hi, by the way, and wants you to call her more often.”

Alex grins at Maggie, and Maggie can’t do anything but press herself into her soulmate’s body, kissing her for another long moment. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Alex,” she whispers against Alex’s lips.

And usually that would make Alex wrinkle up her nose, or change the subject, or deny it, but something about the dirt and the sunshine and the successful surprise makes her just wink. “You’d better believe it.”

 

* * *

 

They pull on their shirts and they get their hats – red with _OUTfielders_ in white – and they go through the equipment Alex brought for both of them. Maggie caresses her old college glove with a reverence that Alex recognizes from a couple of their longest and softest nights in bed.

They meet all the other players, and Maggie is pleased that only one of them is an ex of hers. Alex recognizes her name – you don’t meet that many Dell’s in National City – and tilts her head to Maggie in question. Maggie nods. “We dated for a minute a couple years ago.”

And this is the first ex that Alex has met since they got together, so Maggie isn’t sure how she’ll react, but she’s gracious and kind and totally cool. She just offers a real smile and a friendly hand to Dell, and says, “Oh hey, I’m Alex. It’s really nice to meet you.”

Alex wonders if she ever felt Maggie have sex with Dell, but she doesn’t let the thought linger. She definitely felt Maggie have sex with _her_ two nights ago, and she’ll definitely feel Maggie having sex with her tonight, and that’s all that matters.

They take to the field to warm up, pairing off to play catch.

Maggie keeps a close eye on Alex, who has never played before. But she just looks so adorable in her little hat and her red and white shirt, and she has a determined look on her face that Maggie’s seen in the sparring room at the DEO when she’s going up against J’onn in a new body he’s designed just to test her. And Maggie just loves her.

But, thank goodness, Alex can throw well. Maggie talks her quickly through how to use her glove – using two hands, blocking out the sun, closing it harder than she has to – and Alex picks it up pretty quickly.

Maggie can’t help but let herself happily sink into the thudding sounds of balls hitting gloves all around her. She sort of can’t believe she’s back doing this – back on a field, cleats on her feet, surrounded by grass and dirt, warming up for a softball practice. Her fingers rub at the soft spots inside her glove, the spots worn away by grit and sweat, and she feels so at home.

And she was kicked off her team in high school because she was gay, but now she’s playing catch with her beautiful soulmate, surrounded by lesbians and queer women, and it feels more like a homecoming than she could have ever expected. 

 

* * *

 

Alex is hopeless at bat. It’s her first time, but Maggie’s pretty sure she’s going to be hopeless forever. It’s adorable. Alex is frustrated, of course, because she’s used to being good at everything, but she’s a terrible batter. Impatient and obstinate, she swings at nearly everything, and misses absolutely everything.

“Your girlfriend’s hot, but she has a fucking terrible eye,” a woman named Christina says to Maggie, a grin in her voice. Christina is Latina too, and Maggie likes her already.

“Soulmate,” she corrects with a little smirk. “And, yeah. I think the only pitches she’s let go past her have been the strikes.”

Christina snorts, and Maggie laughs, and when Alex looks over, Maggie makes sure to flash her dimples as she gives a thumbs up. “Lookin’ good, babe!” she calls, and Christina chortles behind her.

 

* * *

 

Maggie hits what would be a home run on her first pitch of the practice. Erin, who is pitching, tosses her glove into the air and whoops. Buzz, who is catching, pops up from her squat and heaves Maggie into a piggyback, running all the way around the bases with Maggie jouncing on her back, giving high fives to everyone they pass.

“Where have you _been_ , Maggie,” the third basewoman calls after Buzz tags the base.

Erin high-fives Maggie at home plate, giving her an encouraging slap on the ass as Buzz sets her down. “Welcome to the OUTfielders,” she says.

“SPONSORED BY HOME DEPOT,” several of the women call out. “More gaying, more doing!”

Alex saunters up with a proud grin on her face, and Maggie, beaming, reaches up, and flips Alex’s hat backwards so Maggie can kiss her properly.

Even the outfielders catcall them.

 

* * *

 

“Hey.” Maggie turns her head to see Dell, standing just behind her as they watch the practice wrapping up around them.

She smiles. “Hey.”

Dell flips her hat around so she can see Maggie better. “I just wanted to make sure we were cool,” she says after a couple of seconds. “I know we didn’t end things in the most mutual way…”

Maggie thinks that’s a gentle way of saying that Dell dumped her to get back with an ex, but she just smiles and shakes her head. “No, we’re cool. Really.” And she means it. She isn’t harboring any bad feelings about Dell, and she hasn’t been for a long time. They’d only dated for a couple of months, years ago. “Did it work out with…uh, what’s-his-name?”

“Brian,” Dell supplies. “And, no, it didn’t. But I would have always wondered, you know?”

Maggie nods. She does. “Yeah.”

“You seem really happy. And Alex seems great.”

Maggie looks across the field to where Alex is practicing sliding with Erin and Christina. She seems confused about what to do with her arms, and Maggie is pretty sure the only other times Alex has slid like this, she’s been shooting a gun at the same time. She’s dirty and bleeding a tiny bit from her elbow but, right that moment, she nails the slide, popping up with her foot firmly planted on second base.

Buzz high fives her before she and Christina bear hug her, squishing Alex firmly between their bodies. Maggie can hear Alex’s laughter from across the field.

“She’s my soulmate,” Maggie tells Dell, softly. She takes a beat before she says something so true. Something that has both nothing and everything to do with the fact that she wouldn’t be on this team, on this field, in this shirt, if it weren’t for Alex. “I’ve never been so happy.”

Dell knocks into Maggie’s shoulder with her own. “Fucking congrats, dude,” she says. “That’s so badass.”

 

* * *

 

That night, Maggie runs Alex a bath. Her poor soulmate is a little battered from learning to slide, and is sporting her fair share of scrapes and bruises. Maggie makes sure the water is hot, and she uses a couple drops of lavender essential oil to make it as relaxing as possible.

Alex insists that Maggie join her, so Maggie slips in behind her and massages her shoulders and her right hand – sore from her new glove – and kisses her neck.

“I love you, Alex,” she murmurs. “Thank you for doing this for me.”

Alex lets her head loll back onto Maggie’s chest. “I’d do anything for you, Sharky,” she mumbles back, almost a trance from the hot water and the massages and the feeling of Maggie’s body – warm and soft and loving – behind her.

 

* * *

 

In their first game, Maggie plays shortstop and makes several spectacular plays. She hits a home run and two triples. Alex plays outfield and only drops the ball once. She strikes out every time she comes to the plate, but after each strikeout she gets a kiss from Maggie and slaps on the butt from several of her other teammates, so she doesn’t mind as much as she expected.

Kara, James, and Winn hoot and holler from the stands. When Maggie hits her homerun, Supergirl flies a lap around the field.

After the game they head to a brewery just a few blocks away _(“sponsored by home depot,” Dell calls, “more gaying, more brewing”)_ , and Erin buys Alex and Maggie their drinks all night. Everyone calls them “the lucky soulmates” and there was a time when Maggie had thought she’d never been on a team again.

Kara snaps a photo of the team. Alex prints it out and frames it.

Maggie texts it to Coach Randall.

 _Heard you hit a home run today_ , Coach Randall texts back.

 _Fucking Alex_ , Maggie writes. _What a sneak_.

Do _n’t you dare talk bad about my future daughter in law_ , Randall writes back.

Maggie almost cries, here in the bar, her red and white shirt covered in dirt.

One more text comes in. _Proud of you, slugger_.

Maggie tucks her phone back into her pocket, crosses the bar, takes Alex’s face in her hands – totally interrupting her conversation with Christina – and kisses her to within an inch of her life.

This girl is total grand slam.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE shoutout this chapter to my imaginary friend @theglassesareafacade for immediately responding to my text of "QUICK I need a punny lesbian softball team name" with "the OUTfielders sponsored by home depot" without even pausing for a second. Like, she just HAD IT AT THE READY. Get you a friend like that.
> 
> Remember to submit your prompts for this universe, either in the comments or on my tumblr (same username).


	2. Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the title, no explicit smut here. Still, possibly, vaguely, NSFW?
> 
> Happy #SanversWeek Day 4: Soulmates AU!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is based on two beautiful, inspiring, and thoughtful prompts from your favorite writer and mine, @Roadie. They're too long to paste here in their full form, but the gist was this: "Do soulmates feel resonances of each other having sex when they're having sex together? Asking for a friend. (The friend is me. I'm asking for myself.) Seriously though, since Maggie is the first girl Alex sleeps with, will Maggie get to experience that shame-free resonance? Because I have a feeling that you writing Maggie's experience of realizing that she's /so much more/ than good enough for Alex, that sex with her doesn't make Alex feel shame or regret or self-loathing the way all of her past sex has done, would break my heart in the best possible way."
> 
> Hope this lived up, friend!

Maggie pushes Alex a little harder into the counter. Alex is making little keening noises into her mouth, and the combination of Alex’s hips under her hands and Alex’s mouth under her lips and Alex’s sounds filling the apartment and both of their feelings swishing and flying through the soulbond is making her drunker than she’s ever been.

Making out with your soulmate, it turns out, is a whole new level. Because this definitely isn’t the first time Maggie’s had a beautiful girl panting into her mouth – and usually she’s a lot less upright and a lot more naked when it happens – but this, pressing Alex against her kitchen counter, fully clothed, having never gone further than this fierce, slightly sloppy makeout, is quite possibly the most intense sensation of her life.

The soulbond is in high gear, sending desire and heat and want and a keening sort of lust back and forth between them at the speed of sound. Maggie can’t really peel apart what’s coming from her, what’s coming from Alex, and what’s coming from her _because_ of what’s coming from Alex, but she’s not sure any of that matters.

All that matters is that Alex is against her, sandwiched between the counter and Maggie’s body, and that every time Maggie has gone to pull away for air or to give Alex time to adjust, Alex has just pulled her back in, refusing to let go.

All that matters is that they both have their soulmate under their hands, soft and warm and pliant and wanting.

They’ve done this twice before – this type of intense, heated, deeply sexual making out. Once against Maggie’s door after a date, and once in the back of a movie theater, which had made Maggie both deeply uncomfortable and surprisingly aroused. But this is the first time they’re in complete privacy, and it’s the third time, and it feels heavier and needier than it ever has before.

As Alex sucks at Maggie’s lip, something almost frantic in the movements of her tongue and in the feelings pouring over Maggie through the bond, Maggie realizes she has to stop.

They’re far beyond the place where, with a partner she’d slept with before, or a simple hook-up, Maggie would have started shucking off clothes. With someone like that, Maggie would have already given into the obvious heat. They’d probably already be hitting the bed and sailing towards a clear destination.

But this is Alex. This is Alex, who has never slept with a woman before. Who has never had good sex before. Who has never experienced how overwhelming the rush of good sex with someone you’re attracted to can be, even without the exponential multiplication of those feelings through the soulbond.

This is Alex, who Maggie wants to make everything perfect for. Who Maggie desperately wants to be good enough for.

So even though her body is screaming at her to walk them backwards to the bed, even though she’s being completely swamped by wave after wave of unbearable desire, Maggie pulls back.

Alex blinks at her, chest heaving, and Maggie wishes, for just a split second, that she could turn off the soulbond. Because it is _not_ making this any easier.

But the soulbond is suddenly the least of her problems, because Alex is taking advantage of the space between their bodies, and is reaching down and unbuttoning her own pants.

Alex is dropping her eyes and biting her lip with something that might be nerves and is unbuttoning her pants, and she’s halfway through pushing them down over her hips before Maggie manages to stop her.

“Whoa, Alex, wait a second,” she manages to say, although her brain is just screaming at her to do literally anything else.

She puts a hand up and Alex freezes. She isn’t looking back up, but her entire body snaps into stillness. Maggie feels a cold pang of fear slice through the bond.

“Al, what are you doing?” The minute the words come out of her mouth, Maggie wishes she could take them back, rephrase, ask a better question. But she’s also impressed she can even speak at all, after the last half hour they’ve had.

Alex finally looks up at her, a skittish look in her eyes. “Um, aren’t we having sex?”

And, okay, they probably should have talked about this already. No, Maggie corrects, trying her hardest not to groan in frustration, they _definitely_ should have talked about this already. Because this conversation needs to happen – has needed to happen for weeks – but the timing is not amazing.

It’s going to be hard to talk about Alex’s last ten years of shitty sex right after the best makeout session of Maggie’s life. It’s going to be kind of awful to remind both of them of how terrible Alex always felt, right after their bond has just been ringing with an unbelievable amount of mutual desire and attraction.

“I…no, Ally. Not tonight.”

And Alex’s face just falls, and the bond is suddenly awash with this stinging feeling of _not good enough_ and Maggie is reaching for Alex before she can think. “No, Alex,” she starts, but Alex cuts her off, pulling her pants back up and buttoning them with something that looks a lot like humiliation.

“You don’t want to have sex with me?” And she’s looking down at the floor and she’s close to crying and Maggie nearly panics.

She reaches up and cups Alex’s face, gently tilting her up enough that Maggie can duck her head and look into her eyes. “Of course I want to have sex with you.” She makes her voice as firm as she can, desperately hoping she can fix this. “Of course I do.” She smiles a little bit, and Alex manages to give her a very tremulous, very small little smile back. “I mean, were you not feeling that, through the bond, just now?”

Alex shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t…I mean, I’d thought so.”

Maggie closes her eyes for a second, hating every other Maggie that’s come before her for not having this conversation during any or all of the chances she’d passed up in the past few weeks. Past-Maggie has left her in a very shitty place. She puffs out a breath, lets go of her frustration and her preferences for how this conversation should have gone, and she dives in. “Alex, just, for the record, I definitely want to have sex with you. I’m attracted to you, I want to touch you, and what we just did, here, was _incredible_. Okay?” She tightens her hands a little around Alex’s cheeks. “I _want_ you, Ally.”

Alex swallows, and Maggie feels the sharpest edge of the fear and panic coming through the bond start to soften. “Then why…” Alex’s voice is soft, and Maggie’s heart just squeezes.

“Come sit with me?”

Alex nods, so Maggie takes her hand and gently leads her to the couch. Alex sits, tucking her hands between her thighs, hunching forward a little bit, like she’s trying to make herself small.

“Can you…” Maggie swallows and starts again. “Why did you think we were going to have sex tonight?”

Alex rolls her eyes a little bit. “Come _on_ ,” she says, like it’s obvious. “You know why.”

But Maggie’s eyebrows drag together a little bit. “No,” she says softly. “I don’t.”

And it isn’t until Alex starts talking, her words tumbling quickly out her mouth, that Maggie realizes just _how_ obvious she thinks it is, and how frustrated she is that Maggie’s making her say it. “Because we were just hardcore making out over there, and we’re alone in my apartment, and it’s not the first time, and we’re not _twelve_ , so obviously we were going to.”

“Alex, I don’t want us to have sex for the first time because some algorithm in your brain is spitting out a result that says it’s time that we did,” Maggie says, and it comes out a little more hostile than she means it to, but she can’t help it. “I want us to have sex because we’ve talked about it and we’re ready for it and we can’t live for another fucking second without doing it.”

There’s a ringing moment of silence, then, and Maggie beats herself up again. This wasn’t how she meant to do it.

But Alex – impossibly brave Alex – is the first to break the silence. “I don’t…” Her voice is small and a little sad, and Maggie can’t quite decipher what she feels through the bond but it makes her want to curl up into a ball. “I don’t know how to do that. I’ve always…it was always just _time_ , you know?”

And Maggie thinks that she does know – from the Resonances and from the little bit Alex has let slip, and from how she’d just methodically started taking off her own pants – but she asks anyway. “What does that mean, it was time?”

Alex shrugs again, just the one shoulder, and answers without looking. “I mean, it was just… after a certain number of dates or a certain point physically, when you’re not twelve, you just…it’s what happens next, you know?”

Maggie blinks, not because what Alex said was unexpected, but because confirmation of the fact that no one has ever valued or revered Alex enough to wait, to talk about it, to get to the point where Alex was dying for it, is making her slightly more murderous than she’d expected. If any of Alex’s past sexual partners were in the room with them at that moment, Maggie isn’t sure she’d be able to stop herself from grievous bodily harm.

“I don’t want it to be like that, with us,” she says softly, once her bloodlust has cooled a little. “It doesn’t have to be like that with us. This can be a decision we make together, and it doesn’t have to be based on how many dates or how long we’ve made out or what else we’ve done. I don’t want to do it until we’re both desperate to do it, no matter how long that takes.”

And then Alex swallows, and Maggie feels a wave of nervousness come through the bond before she speaks. “What if…how do you know? When you’re…ready, like that?”

And Maggie sort of knows what she means, but she also doesn’t, because her body is still humming with the desperation from earlier, and she can’t imagine a universe in which she wouldn’t be to dying to have sex with Alex Danvers.

But Alex takes her silence for confusion, and she keeps going. “I mean, I’ve always just…it’s always been for a reason, you know? To fit in, or to make him happy, or to forget, or to feel wanted or whatever? But it’s never been just…for itself. I don’t…I don’t know how to do that, without those calculations, I guess.”

And finally, Maggie gets it. Alex is a scientist and an empiricist and Maggie’s asking her to operate on guts and feelings alone.

“I think…I think maybe, when it comes to it, because I’m a woman, and because of what we have together…I think maybe you’ll know it, when you feel it.” Maggie watches Alex closely, and sees a small nod and feels a trickle of worry. “But, let’s say, we definitely won’t do it for a month. Let’s say, maybe, we won’t do anything below the belt for a month. And we’ll talk about it, and then in a month we’ll reevaluate and see how we both feel, without having had the pressure of the decision. How does that sound?”

And Maggie had thought that was a good idea – turn the algorithm off, take the expectation off, let both of them get used to how intense this thing between them is – but Alex looks only frustrated.

“I’m not a _child_ , Maggie. I’m not a virgin. You don’t have to treat me like some little princess with a promise ring who needs your protection.” Her voice is a little snappish and she’s leaning away from Maggie, and Maggie realizes she’s messing up in a big way.

“No, I—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant…I meant it for me, too.” Alex looks up at her, then, confusion all over her face. “What we just did, over there? It was…that was one of the most intense things I’ve ever felt, Alex. I’ve had full-on, multiple-orgasm sex that did less for me than what we just did. I’m…” Maggie runs a hand through her hair, trying to put words to this feeling like she’s hanging in the split second after slipping, her stomach flipping and gravity changing. “I’m out of my depth here, too,” she admits. “I want…I want to go slow, here, and I’d want that no matter how much experience you had.”

Alex is blinking at her like she’s surprised but listening, and the frustration from the bond is fading, and Maggie grasps on to those shreds of progress.

“You’re…you’re something else, Ally, and part of it is definitely the soulmate thing, and the bond, but part of it is also just _you_. And I want to take my time with you. I _like_ the slow build-up; I like leaving at the end of the night just burning for more. I want to wait, not just for you, but for me, and for us.”

Alex nods, just a little.

“And there are a lot of things I’m nervous about, when it comes to sex with you. And I’m guessing there are things you’re nervous about too.”

Another nod, this one with just the hint of a smile.

“So I want to wait. And talk about it, while we’re waiting. And keep doing what we were just doing, and just…get to know each other slowly like this, the same way we’re slowly getting to know each other in all the other ways.”

“We said ‘I love you’ after like six days,” Alex says, a smile in her voice. “I don’t know that the other ways are the model of slowness, here.”

Maggie grins at her, careful to flash her dimples. “I know.”

Alex sighs a little. “A month?”

Maggie shrugs. “If that sounds good to you.”

Alex really takes her time to think about it, and Maggie’s heart churns while she waits.

“Okay,” Alex says finally. “We’ll keep it in our pants for a month.”

 

* * *

 

Maggie realizes with a jolt, about two weeks later, that she’s never felt anything like lust come through the bond before – at least, not outside of their makeout sessions. She’s never, not in the fifteen years the soulbond has been open for her, felt Alex be overtaken by lust, by want, by this type of desperate need.

She realizes it because, as wave after wave of lust crashes over her, there is no way she’d have forgotten if she’d ever felt something like this before, so purely and clearly coming from Alex alone.

She’s in the gym at the precinct, and it’s blessedly empty, so she’s taken off her shirt after pulling it up to wipe her face about ten times. For the last ten or so minutes she’s been lifting weights in just her black sports bra and basketball shorts, peppering every set with pushups.

But the flood of lust pouring through her veins literally buckles her knees.

And before she can freak out about why Alex is feeling that way, before she can do anything but try to breathe and stay standing, she hears a little squeak from near the door.

Maggie turns, pulling her headphones out of her ears, and finds herself staring at the slack-jawed face of her soulmate.

And Maggie can’t help the smirk that crawls onto her face as she realizes this veritable tsunami of lust is about _her_. Alex came to the gym, saw her working out in just her sports bra, and that caused her to send such intense feelings of want that they’re nearly incapacitating Maggie.

Talk about an ego boost.

“Hey, Al,” Maggie says, slowly sauntering over to where Alex is, by all accounts, struggling to remember how to breathe.

“Hi,” she manages, her voice high and tight.

Maggie laughs, a low, deep, throaty sort of sound that causes another swamping wave of lust to flow over her. She can’t help it; she cocks one eyebrow and flashes her dimples. “See something you like?”

“I, um…” Alex is staring at her abs, her eyes sort of unfocused. They’ve gotten to the shirtless phase twice in the past two weeks, so it’s not like this is new territory for them, but Alex has yet to see what’s underneath the bra. “Remember, the other week, when you said I’d know, when I wanted it enough?” Alex asks, her eyes still glued to Maggie’s stomach and bra. Maggie nods, and Alex swallows, hard, before looking up into her eyes. “You were right.”

Maggie bursts out laughing. She can’t help it. Sweet, gay, turned on Alex.

Alex is flushing an exquisite pink, high in her cheeks and across her chest, and Maggie doesn’t want her to feel even an ounce of shame for this want that’s coursing through both of them.

So Maggie just takes another step in, until she’s within reach, but she doesn’t lift her arms or press her skin into Alex’s. She cocks her head again, and gives Alex a smile that sends a flutter of something delicious through the bond.

“You gonna show me?” she asks, and she’s still smiling when Alex makes a little sound and reaches out and pulls her in and kisses her, hot and hard.

Maggie ends up dragging Alex into the locker room, because Alex was apparently very committed to showing her, (“I’m just following orders,” she’d mumbled into Maggie’s skin, her teeth digging into Maggie’s sweaty neck), and Maggie is in no mood to stop anything that’s happening.

So Maggie pulls them into the locker room, and she lets Alex press her against the lockers, and she lets herself get lost in the feeling of her soulmate in front of her, grasping at her, digging into her skin and pulling at her hair.

And it isn’t until some moments later, when Alex is licking up her neck, her tongue flat and hot, that Maggie pulls the tiniest bit away. “I’m…sweat…” she manages to mumble, but Alex just smiles against her skin.

She hums a little in agreement, her lips back on Maggie’s neck. “My saltlick,” she murmurs, and Maggie nearly whites out.

And the soulbond is crackling with desire, absolutely spitting off sparks into her heart and her brain and all over her body, and Alex is grasping at her body like she’s going to drown, and Maggie forgets about the month and she forgets about her sweat and she just steps forward into Alex’s body and lets herself be set on fire.

 

* * *

 

Alex does, in fact, get to see what’s underneath the bra, right there in the locker room.

Maggie returns the favor three nights later on Alex’s couch.

Somehow, miraculously, they’ve kept their pants on, and no one has accidentally had an orgasm.

And Maggie is thirty-one years old, she’s lived through more than 350 months in her life, but this one is intolerably long.

She knows the rule was her idea, but she honestly thinks it might kill her.

 

* * *

 

They’re in the operations center of the DEO, getting a briefing on a joint mission from Winn. J’onn is there, and Kara, and Vasquez. And Alex is there, of course, looking impossibly gorgeous in that uniform and holster and body and face.

And, jesus, Maggie is a complete goner. It’s been three weeks and one day, and she’s honestly impressed she hasn’t spontaneously combusted yet.

Before the locker room, Maggie had never felt lust coming through the bond, and now she’s not sure there’s been a single moment since _without_ it. It feels like Alex is actively wanting her, every single minute of every day, and that thought is enough to make her blush and feel incredibly powerful, but she’s also pretty sure it means she’s been sending the exact same thing back.

It’s been a long week.

Six more days to go.

Although, of course, Maggie is trying not to assume that they’ll do anything more than they have, on the night it hits the one-month mark. She doesn’t want to pressure Alex into anything – that’s the whole reason for the month in the first place.

But, as hard as she tries, she can’t stop her entire self from being completely aware of Next Thursday, of thinking of Next Thursday with a certain glow, a certain aura, a certain draw.

“So, this next part is pretty slow,” Winn is telling them, “because we have to pull data from local PD’s all over the country.”

J’onn nods, and Maggie tries to pretend like she was paying attention, and not just staring at Alex’s ass and trying to figure out, for the millionth time, what kind of underwear she’s wearing.

“When should we expect an update?” J’onn asks.

“Um,” Winn punches some buttons on his tablet. “This is saying…next Thursday. That’s, what, five days?”

“ ** _Six_** ,” Alex says without even a second’s hesitation, and her voice is incredibly high and tight and strained, and, okay.

Something may be happening Next Thursday after all.

 

* * *

 

It’s a fucking blessing that Alex is sent out of town for three days, because the three days leading up to her trip are some of the most intense days of Maggie’s life. Never, not once, in her adult life has she had to _wait_ like this.

And with Alex out in Metropolis, Maggie finally has enough distance between her soulmate’s skin and her own hands and mouth and teeth to sort through what she’s feeling.

Because buried underneath her desperate, honestly _bloodthirsty_ want for Alex’s body, is terror.

Terror, because Alex has never before had anything close to good with her pants off.

Terror, because this lead up has been so thick, and heavy, and intense, that Maggie is so afraid what comes next will be a let down.

Terror, because every single time Alex has ever had sex, Maggie has felt pangs of disappointment afterwards, and she’s just now realizing how terrified she is of feeling that pang after they’ve finished. Of not being good enough for Alex, not being satisfying enough. Of not being able to give Alex what she’s been missing.

And terror because that’s a lot of pressure to put on herself with anyone – perfection, satisfaction, easy orgasms with someone who probably doesn’t even know what feels good on herself – not to mention with her _soulmate_ , who has been waiting for Maggie her entire life.

If they do this, and afterwards Maggie gets disappointment, or self-loathing, or shame, or guilt…she doesn’t know how she’ll survive it.

For the past ten years, anytime Alex has had sex, Maggie has thought, as hard as she could, in the aimless direction of the bond, _you deserve better. I’m here, I’m waiting for you, and I’ll treat you better_.

And now her chance is nigh, and she’s terrified.

 

* * *

 

Alex gets back into town on Wednesday.

And Wednesday is Sister Night, and Maggie would never dare to intrude. So Maggie doesn’t expect to see Alex until Thursday.

Yeah, _that_ Thursday.

And she’s still terrified.

But Alex – sweet, brave, loving Alex – must have been feeling some of what Maggie’s been going through. Because even though she just got off a plane, and even though she has to go to work and then to Kara’s, when Maggie pulls her eyes up off her paperwork at the sound of approaching footsteps, she sees Alex, walking towards her across the precinct with a smirk that’s somehow both loving and impossibly alluring.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Alex says, dropping down into the chair next to Maggie’s desk, careful to pitch her voice low.

“Alex,” Maggie breathes, and her terror spikes a little at the expectant look on Alex’s face. God, what if they do this and she makes Alex feel ashamed and guilty and dirty?

“Hey,” Alex says again, but she’s wrinkling her forehead and leaning in and she’s clearly concerned. Her voice is all soft and any trace of suggestion or flirtation is completely gone. “What’s wrong?”

Maggie tries to damp down her feelings, wondering, not for the first time, at the strength of their bond. At how much transmits.

She doesn’t want to freak Alex out – _someone_ should seem like they know what they’re doing when they hit the bed – so she does what she does best. She deflects. “How could anything be wrong when I’ve got a gorgeous girl here with me? Especially when she’s got…” she notices the cup Alex is holding, “a soy milkshake for me?”

Alex smiles at her – although it doesn’t quite seem to reach her eyes. She holds out the cup. “Peanut butter chocolate,” she says, wrinkling up her nose a little. “Gross.”

And Maggie takes the cup with a genuine smile, because Alex is tired and just flew across the country but she took the time not only to come here but to stop and pick up Maggie’s newest obsession from the vegan restaurant on her way. Maggie’d missed milkshakes, since becoming lactose intolerant, and these rival the best ones she’d had as a kid.

“Thank you,” she says before taking a long drag and closing her eyes in bliss. “Delicious.”

But then she’s opening her eyes and looking at Alex, and, _oh_. Alex’s concerned face has mysteriously vanished, and she’s staring at Maggie like she wants to devour her, and Maggie’s hit by a double whammy of want and fear, and Alex actually recoils a little.

“Mags,” she breathes, reaching out a hand, clearly a little freaked. “Maggie, what’s happening? What are you afraid of?”

And they’re in the middle of the squad room, and it’s loud and a little smelly, and a couple feet away there’s an impromptu briefing on a robbery where the perps have guns that extract people’s organs, and this is not where Maggie had pictured having this conversation. But Alex looks like she’s about to pull the gun out of her waistband and start taking hostages until she figures out who is scaring Maggie, and Maggie knows she can’t put this off any longer.

“I’m…our month is up, soon,” she starts.

Alex nods emphatically. “Tomorrow,” she says quickly, a little breathlessly. “It’s up tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Maggie says, with what she hopes isn’t a grimace. “And I don’t want you to think that I’m expecting anything to happen tomorrow, or anything—“

Alex interrupts her, hard and fast. “Maggie,” she says, holding up a hand before pinching the bridge of her nose. “I swear to god, if you’re trying to put this off for even one more day, I will start shooting things. People. Children. Whatever. It will not be good.”

And Maggie can’t help but laugh (and possibly snort), because Alex is ridiculous, and adorable, and clearly wants this so much, and fuck, it’s not like Maggie isn’t dying for it too.

“No, I’m…I’m not trying to put it off. No need to go on a killing rampage, Al.”

“Good,” Alex says with a sweet little smile. “Would be a little awkward to have to explain the civilian casualties to Supergirl.”

Maggie _definitely_ snorts.

“I’m not trying to put it off,” she repeats, a little more serious, but grateful to Alex for the levity. “I’m just a little…nervous, I guess.”

Alex tilts her head, the question all over her face.

“I want it to be good for you,” Maggie says. “And every other time you’ve had it, it…it hasn’t been good enough. And I’ve…I’ve felt how that makes you feel, and I guess I’m just…” she lets out a little breath, because this conversation is absolutely terrifying in its own right. “I’m just really scared of making you feel…um. Like…like you did with everyone else.”

But Alex is just looking at her like she loves her, and her face is soft again, and open and sweet and caring and she doesn’t look even the tiniest bit scared, and Maggie realizes, for what is absolutely the first time, that Alex is taking care of _her_ , just as much as she’s taking care of Alex.

“I’m not worried about that,” Alex says simply. “You don’t need to be afraid of that. How I felt before? Dirty, and ashamed, and disappointed? That’s because I was hoping sex would fix all of my problems. Would make me straight, would make my mom approve of me, would make Kara human. Would make me normal. And it was never going to be able to do any of those things.” She reaches out quickly and squeezes Maggie’s hand, and even though they haven’t talked about PDA at the station, Maggie grips her fingers and doesn’t let her pull away. “With you, I’m just hoping sex makes me feel as good, and cared about, and loved as kissing you does, and going on dates does, and _this_ does.” She squeezes Maggie’s hand when she says _this_ , and Maggie tries her hardest to believe her.

“And, yeah, I hope eventually we get to the point where we can make each other, um…you know.” And Maggie has been terrified for days, but the blush blooming on Alex’s face somehow takes the edge off her fear. Alex can’t even say the words – can’t say _orgasm_ or _come_ or even _feel good_ – and that should make Maggie even more scared at her inexperience, but she finds herself just wanting to wrap this woman up in a blanket and abscond with her to a bed for years and years.

“But, tomorrow? I just…I just want to touch you, and finally see what’s going on under those pants, and just…just let myself love you the way I’ve been wanting to. I’m not…I’m not trying to cure anything, anymore, you know?”

And Maggie nods, because she does know. Because, with every single person in her life since she was fourteen, she’s been trying to cure something.

But not with Alex. With Alex, she’s not looking for the cure, because it’s like she’s not even sick anymore.

So she nods, and she squeezes Alex’s fingers again, and she takes a breath, and she lets the love coming from the soulbond wash over her.

“I love you, Alex.” It’s all she can say, but Alex gets it.

She stands, and, precinct be damned, drops a kiss on the top of Maggie’s head. “I love you too,” she says, her voice beautifully matter-of-fact. “Drink your gross milkshake. Come over tomorrow after work. I’ll order Thai.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, on Thursday, Maggie does come over after work.

Alex orders Thai.

And at some point kissing turns to more, and Maggie finds herself taking off Alex’s shirt, and pressing kisses to every inch of her skin, and whispering _I love you_ into every freckle and every scar and ever centimeter between.

And eventually they go towards the bed – the absurd, enormous, fucking altar of a bed that practically _glows_ in the faint light – and Maggie feels nerves and fear lick at her body, but the waves of desire, of love, of happiness, of pure giddiness from Alex are swamping her, and dragging her under, and she couldn’t be happier.

 

* * *

 

Maggie wakes up earlier than Alex, and she just lies there, with Alex’s arm heavy across her stomach and Alex’s hair spread out across her pillow and Alex’s breaths soft and slow against her shoulder.

She takes the time to parse through what she felt last night – not from her own body, but from the soulbond. Because last night had been incredible, physically, for both of them. They certainly have more to learn about each others’ bodies, and Alex certainly has more to learn about her own body, but Maggie is confident it will only get better with time and practice.

But, jesus christ, what a way to start.

Physically, it had been undeniably incredible.

But emotionally it had been overwhelming in every possible way.

Maggie had been hit with the realization that this was her last first time having sex, ever, and that had made her giddy and had also made her trip over nothing on her way to the bed. And having her soulmate in her arms, and under her, and over her, was so completely unlike having anyone else that it felt more like Maggie’s first time than she would have believed.

And she’d tried, at first, to separate out what she was feeling herself and what was Resonating through Alex, but she’d had to give up. It was like trying to tell by sight which individual molecules of water came from the ocean and which came from the river when they’re meeting in six-foot-high waves and rapids, swirling around each other in a dance that only escalates and grows and climbs.

But now, this morning, as she lies in bed, still naked, still warm, still soft, she sifts through those swamping feelings, through her memory of every moment. And she doesn’t realize how nervous she still is until she’s sorted through all of it.

Because, once she’s done, she feels muscles in her gut relax that she hadn’t realized were tensed, and she feels something in her jaw unclench, and a little piece of her heart stops gripping so tightly.

Because Alex didn’t Resonate shame, or guilt, or disappointment, or disgust, or sadness, or loneliness, or anxiety, or desperation. She didn’t send self-loathing or a blank sort of indefinable ache, or that horrible feeling of _not good enough_.

She had Resonated wonder, and joy, and passion, and pleasure, and want, and nerves, and desire, and happiness, and satisfaction, and the simultaneous feelings of being sated and insatiable, and so much love that Maggie had barely been able to think.

And that – more than the orgasms, more than the want in Alex’s eyes when she’d reached down to unbutton Maggie’s jeans, more than the look on Alex’s face when she’d touched Maggie for the first time – makes Maggie, finally, for what is possibly the first time in her entire life, realize that she’s enough. That she’s _more_ than enough, for someone.

That she’s more than enough for her _soulmate_.

That, just maybe, Alex is as lucky to have her as she is to have Alex.

And that makes her roll over, and pull Alex tighter into her arms, and press a gentle kiss to Alex’s forehead, and bury her nose into Alex’s hair. And she lets her body melt into Alex’s as Alex makes little sleepy noises of love and contentment, nuzzling back into Maggie’s body, and Maggie feels, for the first time in fifteen years, completely safe, and completely whole, and completely enough.

  


	3. I can be better, I promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from noncommittal after reading the last chapter of Revelations, where Alex goes to Slaver’s Moon and accidentally breaks up with Maggie, then gets back together (“the glasses don’t help”):  
> This chapter's promises from Alex sounded a little over the top and left me wondering whether she'll push M away in a panic again. Juggling important relationships and managing time is HARD. Would you consider writing one or more future examples in the Reverberations? Does Alex learn? Or ... gulp... not learn? Does Maggie learn to read the subtleties of the resonance to anticipate when Alex might freak and head it off?

 

It happens in the DEO.

They’re just standing there, talking, and suddenly the prisoner in transit looks at Kara weird, and then he’s breaking out of his bonds and he’s hopping away into a different universe through a familiar looking blue portal, and Kara is swaying. She’s swaying and swaying and falling and Alex only barely manages to catch her before she hits the ground.

And he’s gone - simply, flat out, probably on-a-different-Earth gone, and Kara is limp and unresponsive in her arms.

Alex and J’onn run her to the medical wing, placing her on a bed and hooking her up to all the machines Alex has designed just for moments like these, and even turning on the sunlamps because it can’t hurt. But they learn nothing.

Well, not nothing. She has brain waves like she’s dreaming, and her heart is beating, and her blood pressure is near-normal. But she’s also definitely in a coma, and she’s not responding to anything Alex and the medical staff are doing.

It’s only after J’onn can’t reach her - at all - with a mental link, that Alex starts to feel the terror creeping up into her throat. Starts to see the reddish blackness of furious despair threading through her peripheral vision.

As it becomes thirty unresponsive minutes, then sixty, then a hundred and twenty, Alex shades over into full-blown panic.

Winn runs in, saying something about the little triangle the prisoner had dropped, something about Earth 1 and the blueish portal that always reminds Alex a little bit of how Alex Mack had looked as a puddle in that TV show.

 (She’d definitely had a crush on Alex Mack, in retrospect).

Alex can’t take in the details, because her panic for Kara is like quicksand filled with a million suctioned arms, just dragging her down and down and down. But she gets the gist.

They’re going to take Kara to Earth 1. They’re going to take Kara to where that fast dude lives, with his friend who opens doorways to other worlds and his ragtag group of misfit heroes. They think that’s where the prisoner went, with this little triangle, so they’re going to go there too. They’re going to unhook her sister from the machines, Alex and J’onn, and Winn is going to press a little button on a piece of tech they don’t understand at all, and if a portal opens, they’re going to step into it even though they’ll have no way of knowing where they’ll be heading.

Another agent comes in, holding all of the guns and goodies that Alex and J’onn could possibly want. Alex straps them on like she’s in a dream. A nightmare. A nightmare where she’s - _again_ \- watching her baby sister slip through her fingers. Another nightmare where she’s praying to a god she doesn’t really believe in from a dead planet to save his last child, to bring her sister back to life.

“ _Please, Rao_ ,” she whispers in Kryptonese, brushing Kara’s hair back from her forehead. “ _Please help her_.”

But it isn’t until one of the nurses – without a single word of warming – jabs a needle into Alex’s arm, muttering “standard off-world vaccinations,” that Alex really realizes what’s happening.

They’re taking Kara to different Earth. To a different world. To what might as well be a different planet.

And the last time Alex followed Kara to another planet, it didn’t go well. The last time Alex stepped through a glowing portal and left this Earth, she did it cradling the shattered remains of her heart. She did it after having so thoroughly decimated Maggie’s heart and Maggie’s trust and Maggie’s happiness that sometimes, even though it’s been months, Alex still wakes up from nightmares of that day. From nightmares in which Maggie hadn’t taken Alex back. From nightmares of having thrown her soulmate away in a moment of panic. From long twisted memories of knowing exactly how it had felt to be loved by her soulmate, full of the agonizing awareness that it was gone forever.

Alex wakes up from the dreams, gasping and sweaty and sometimes crying. And Maggie assumes the nightmares are about Kara dying, and Alex never corrects her, because she likes to pretend like that day never happened.

The last time Alex left Earth, she had cracked something pure and whole and perfect. And they’re okay, she and Maggie. They’re better than okay. They’re amazing. But Alex can still see the crack. She remembers it’s there. She remembers that _she_ put it there.

She put it there last time she walked through a glowing portal to save her sister.

And she’s about to do it again.

Every second is crucial but Alex freezes, right there in the med bay. She can’t delay the mission for a single instant - they have to save her sister.

And she can’t leave the planet without explaining to Maggie, without saying goodbye, without saying ‘I love you.’ Without making sure that she’s not hammering another crack in this thing that is so good, so beautiful, so powerful. Without choosing between them.

“Alex?” J’onn asks, his voice clearly concerned. “Are you ready?”

And she can’t delay a single second, but she can’t go through the portal.

She’s being ripped in two, torn into shreds. Pulled apart at her seams. Burning from both ends at once. Smashed between two tidal waves, torn apart by two tornados. Eaten away by an acid and a base that don’t counteract but just make everything so much more painful.

“ _Maggie_ ,” she manages to gasp out. And she doesn’t know if it’s because he’s psychic or because he knows her or because he cares about her relationship, but he nods.

He holds his hand out, and her phone is on his palm. “Call her,” he says. “You have three minutes until we move out.”

Alex takes the phone, giving him a jerky, wooden almost-nod, but she doesn’t dial it. She can’t delay, not for a second.

“Agent Schott needs the three minutes,” J’onn tells her, his tone clearly a little exasperated. “Call her. Three minutes.”

Alex shudders, her spine on fire, but she presses the button for Maggie’s speed dial.

“Hey, babe!” Maggie’s voice is bright and clear, obviously happily surprised that Alex is calling in the middle of the day. “Miss me already?”

Alex’s eyes flutter closed, both in pleasure at hearing her soulmate’s voice - a little gravely and rich and dark and happy - and in pain with the knowledge that this could be the last time.

“Yeah,” she manages to breathe out, trying to keep her own voice steady. “I really do.”

Maggie detects. Her tone changes and so do the sounds in the background, like she’s ducking into a closet or an interrogation room. “Al, babe, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“No, no, I’m…” Alex chokes a little. “I’m okay. I’m okay.”

“Ally, hold—just hold on, okay babe? I’m...I’m on my way. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Alex shakes her head for a few precious seconds before she remembers Maggie can’t see her. “There’s no time,” she whispers. “We go in two minutes.”

“Go where?” It’s tight and scared and all Alex wants is to be back in bed, curled up together, bare legs comfortably tucked around each other, with Maggie’s pesky hairs finding their way to the inside of Alex’s mouth, and Maggie’s hand warm and soft and smooth on Alex’s hip.

“Kara’s in a coma. We have to...we have to take her to Earth 1.”

Alex hears her suck in a breath. “You’re going to another planet?”

Alex takes her own breath, not quite sure how to explain the difference between a different Earth and a different planet, but Maggie interrupts her before she can figure it out. “Don’t give me the Winn answer, Alex. Just tell me. You’re going to another planet, yes or no?”

Alex swallows. Her voice is hoarse now. “Yes.”

“Jesus.”

“I just…” A sob surprises Alex, throwing itself out of her chest. “I just wanted to say that I love you.”

“No, Ally. No. Baby, don’t. Don’t do that.”

Alex gasps it out. “Mags.”

“Don’t you dare say goodbye to me.”

“Okay.” Alex is crying now - for her sister, for herself, for this beautiful girl whose heart she is shattering again. “Okay, I won’t. I won’t.” Alex checks her watch quickly. “I have thirty seconds,” she says, watching through the glass as J’onn reaches down and lifts her sister into his arms. “What—what, um, what do you want to do this weekend?”

“I was thinking we could go to a couple of those tattoo shops I found,” Maggie says, playing along like everything’s normal, and she’s clearly crying but trying to hold it in.

Through the window, Kara’s head lolls back, bobbing up and down with each of J’onn’s careful steps.

“I know you want to check them all out for hygiene, and I think looking through the portfolios will help us decide where to go for ours.”

Alex nods, grasping the phone like a life preserver. “That sounds great, love.”

She walks, quickly, to where everyone is gathered. Winn is still typing frantically but she can tell he’s almost done.

“I have to go,” Alex gasps. “You know how J’onn is about punctuality. I don’t want another citation for tardiness.”

“No, we can’t have that.” She can hear Maggie smiling through her tears. “I love you,” she says, and she’s clearly trying to not make it sound final, but she’s given it so much weight that Alex nearly buckles under it.

“I love you, Shark.”

And then Alex hangs up and she tucks the phone into her pocket and she pulls out her gun and she strides through the glowing blue portal.

 

* * *

 

They come back.

It’s hours and hours later – maybe days. But they come back.

The portal opens in the DEO. It’s like a vagina-shaped hole in the air, but it’s constantly moving. It’s a blueish grayish shimmering light, like it’s wet. Like someone poured liquid mercury into zero gravity. It opens, growing and waving and pulsing larger and larger until it’s taller than Maggie.

She has her gun out before she hears Vas and Winn say, “Thank god, the portal.”

Before she realizes that this is what it looks like when people travel between Earths.

Winn bounds forward, and Vas reaches out an arm to tiredly pull him back behind Maggie and line of agents - all of whom have their weapons pointed right at the breach.

“It’s probably them, ma’am,” Vas says to Maggie softly, “but better safe than sorry.”

Maggie nods, carefully taking aim and exhaling, letting her body settle into perfect shooting form.

Kara comes through the portal first - probably because she’s the most bulletproof in case any of the rookies get trigger happy.

Kara walks through the portal first, and Maggie feels a mountain of abject fear fall out of her body.

Last she’d heard, Kara was in a coma and no one knew why, and they might or might not be able to get her to Earth 1. She might or might not be able to get back. She might or might not ever wake up.

And now Kara is coming out of the mercury portal, and she’s standing, and she’s walking, and she’s alive, and she’s back home.

And Maggie had crossed her heart and sworn to die to love Kara like a little sister, and she’s been paralyzed with helplessness for hours and hours and hours now. And now Kara is awake and she’s walking and she’s home, and Maggie feels the relief in the loosening in her gut and behind her eyes.

Kara is her family, her little sister, now. Kara is filling a hole in Maggie’s heart that she’d never even thought to hope would ever be filled. Kara is her little sister, and Kara is alive and walking and home, and Maggie is moving forward to hug her before anyone else has lowered their weapons.

Kara walks through first, and after her is J’onn, and he looks tired but fine.

And after J’onn is Alex.

After J’onn, Alex walks through the portal. And she looks exhausted and worn, like the time she’s spent on Earth 1 has been harrowing. But she’s alive and she’s walking and she’s home, and Maggie wishes that she had Kara’s superspeed, because she wants to have Alex in her arms immediately.

Maggie collides with Kara, giving her a tight squeeze - and earning herself a squeak of surprise from the caped hero - before practically running to Alex.

And Alex hugs her back - lets Maggie wrap her up - but she’s holding herself stiffly. She doesn’t melt into it, doesn’t whisper back. Doesn’t run her fingers through Maggie’s hair or drop her head onto Maggie’s shoulder.

She doesn’t say “I love you.”

Maggie pulls away, confusion and a little bit of fear rushing back into her body, like it had just gone out with low tide, and now it’s being drawn back, full and inexorable and terrifying.

 

* * *

 

Maggie knocks on Alex’s apartment door, a horrible deja vu sliding over her. She’d stood here that night, the night just a few hours after Alex had broken her heart. The night just a few hours after Alex and Kara had gone to Slaver’s Moon and Alex had freaked out and ended things and completely destroyed Maggie.

Maggie had almost done a lot of stupid things that afternoon, between being dumped and hearing from Alex again. She’d almost drunk herself sick, she’d almost found someone to sleep with, she’d almost done any one of the reckless and dangerous things available to a cop with a motorcycle. The type of things people do when they’re sure they have nothing left to live for. Sure that all hope is gone.

She had been so sure that all hope was gone.

And then Alex had called and texted. _I love you_ , she’d written. _I made a mistake_ , she’d written. _I want to be with you,_ she’d written. _I can feel you hurting_. _Please, Mag_.

And so Maggie had come over, and she had stood outside of this door, and she had knocked. And she had been so sure that all hope was gone, but she’d stood and she’d knocked and she’d listened.

And tonight she doesn’t know what’s going on - Alex hasn’t texted or called or really said anything since she walked back through the portal.

Something is clearly wrong – has been wrong since Alex came back. Maybe since Alex left. But she hasn’t said anything, and she’s responded to Maggie’s words and hugs and texts like a robot.

Like how she’d responded back before they were together, before Alex knew Maggie was her soulmate.

Back when Alex didn’t know she was allowed to love Maggie.

And that scares Maggie more than anything. Because last time Alex had left the planet, she’d dumped Maggie – hard – on her way through the portal.

And this time there was no dumping, but there’s clearly been _something_ , because Alex is off. And Maggie doesn’t know if it’s something she saw over on Earth 1, or something that happened during the portal, or – a horrible voice has been whispering in Maggie’s ear for hours – some _one_ she met on Earth 1. But it’s clearly something, and it’s terrifying.

And so Maggie is here, at Alex’s door, just like before. And the déjà vu makes her want to scratch her skin off, because it’s just like last time, except last time Alex had begged her to come over.

This time Alex doesn’t know she’s here.

Alex hasn’t asked her over. Alex hasn’t reached out. Alex hasn’t done anything but blandly insist that she’s fine, over and over.

This time, Alex might not be trying her hardest to fix it.

 

* * *

 

Alex opens the door, and her eyes are a little dull, and she looks a little surprised to see Maggie there. But mostly she just looks blank.

She hasn’t changed out of her DEO uniform, and the joke is that they all assume she’s being impersonated by J’onn if she’s not in one of her million pairs of sweatpants within seven seconds of arriving home.

She lets Maggie inside, but she asks, “What are you doing here?” in this horribly flat voice, like she and Maggie don’t spend nearly every night with each other now.

She doesn’t even wait for an answer, turning and walking back to where she’s obviously been sitting, up at the counter.

There’s a bottle of whiskey on the counter, and a glass with about one finger left in it. Maggie slowly follows her over as Alex sits—her back turned to Maggie—and, in one fluid motion, lifts the glass and takes a long drink.

“Alex? What’s wrong?”

But Alex just, almost pointedly, lifts the glass again, tipping it and silently letting the rest of the whiskey all slide down her throat.

Even as she comes to sit on the other stool, Maggie can’t help but panic. Her fear is clawing up at her throat now, carving through her body. She doesn’t know if she wants to ask _what happened_ or _who hurt you_ or _can I hold you_ or _are you breaking up with me_ , so for a moment she says nothing.

Alex’s face is sliding from blankness to a horrible deep sorrow.

Alex reaches out for the bottle, bringing it over to her glass like she’s going to pour another.

And Maggie can tell that wasn’t her first.

So she reaches out quickly, not taking the bottle from Alex but not letting her pour it either. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. Hold on.”

And Maggie doesn’t know if this is about her or about Kara or about something else she saw or did on Earth 1. She doesn’t know if she’s about to be dumped or not; if maybe Alex found the Maggie on Earth 1 and likes her better, or what. But her soulmate is clearly devastated – clearly just absolutely fraying. And she’s drinking and she’s sitting, still in her work uniform, and she’s staring at the floor and she’s nearly crying now.

So Maggie sets aside her own personal terror, and she makes sure her voice is soft and loving and supportive.

“Ally,” she says, her voice as close to a hug as it can possibly be. “Babe, I’m right here. You can tell me anything.”

And Alex, sweet, brave, heartbroken Alex, her _soulmate_ , nods. It’s a tiny nod, barely perceptible, but Maggie sees it, and her heart lifts a little bit.

If even some tiny part of Alex remembers and knows that Maggie is here for her – that Maggie has always, since she was five years old, been here for her – that Alex can trust her…then there’s a tiny glimmer of hope.

Maggie reaches out, gently tilting Alex’s head up, just the smallest amount. “Hey, love, look at me.”

Alex does, blinking back tears, and her eyes are red and swollen and she’d clearly been crying before Maggie got here. And Maggie doesn’t know if it’s a Resonance or her own desolate terror or simply seeing someone she loves falling apart in front of her, but her heart is gripping painfully.

“What happened on Earth 1?”

And Alex shakes her head – just as small as she’d nodded – and Maggie wonders if maybe that’s the wrong question.

“Please,” Alex gasps, and she’s looking back at the floor, and Maggie can’t even breathe.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whimpers, and it’s one of the most painful, wretched sounds Maggie has ever heard.

“For what?” Maggie’s leaning forward on her stool, so close to Alex but not touching, not quite yet. She’s more confused than ever, and every breath is like a stab.

“Please,” Alex says again, and she’s shuddering, and then her breath catches and she starts to really cry.

“Please don’t break up with me.”

And Maggie is off her stool in an instant, standing and leaning, gathering Alex up in her arms. “Oh, sweetie,” she breathes as she moves, pressing Alex’s head close to her chest with one hand and wrapping her other arm around Alex’s back. She has no idea what’s going on – she can’t imagine why Alex would possibly be worried about _Maggie_ breaking up with her.

But her soulmate is crying heavily now – her breath catching and her body shaking with it all – and even though Maggie doesn’t know what happened or what Alex did, there’s no universe in which Maggie wouldn’t be holding her right now.

And Alex, so slowly, like she can’t believe she gets to, brings her own arms up. One to Maggie’s bicep and one around her waist. Alex grabs a fistful of Maggie’s shirt in an iron grip and holds on for dear life, and Maggie is nothing but terrified concern.

And then a horrible, wrenching, plaintive sob rips its way out of Alex, and it’s all Maggie can do to pull her even closer.

And Alex just cracks apart in her arms.

 

* * *

 

It’s a while later that Alex, after a glass of water and many tissues and many, many long moments sobbing in Maggie’s arms, can sit up on her own and sort of talk.

“Alex, love, what happened?” Maggie knows she should wait until Alex is ready, until Alex brings it up. But she’s just so scared. So scared of whatever happened on Earth 1 that could spell the end of their relationship.

The severing of their soulbond.

The destruction of everything Maggie has hoped for since she was so young.

The horrible torture of feeling Alex’s Resonances coming through her own body when she doesn’t get to touch or see or hold or love Alex ever again.

“Last time,” Alex starts, her voice a little halting, her sleeves wet with her own tears. “Last time I left like that, I…” she stops for a minute, and Maggie’s heart thuds in her chest.

Boy, does she remember last time.

“It was because of Kara then too, and I left, and I threw you away, when all I wanted was to be with you.”

Maggie wishes she could fast-forward through the play-by-play. She remembers.

“And you said,” Alex hiccups a little, and Maggie’s heart clenches. “You said, I couldn’t do it again, not if I wanted to have you.” And Alex isn’t crying any more, but she chokes on a little sob anyway. “And I want you, I want you so much, but today I…” Alex shakes her head and she shudders a little with remembering. “I did it again.”

And Maggie’s a fucking good detective but she can’t for the life of her figure out what Alex means.

“You—what? You did what again?” Maggie’s eyebrows are knit and her head is tilted to the side, and she’s trying to figure out when today Alex broke up with her.

Alex picks at her sleeves, pulling them over her hands over and over. “I chose her. I left the planet, for her. I left you. And now you’re going to leave me.”

And it hits Maggie like a sodden, heavy mattress landing on her chest. All of the air goes out of her lungs with the force of Alex’s guilt. Alex’s _misplaced_ guilt. Because, that night, Maggie had meant _you don’t get to break up with me and tell me to go away when you freak out_ , but Alex had heard _you don’t get to prioritize your sister_.

Maggie had meant _you have to let me in, let me help you, let me love you, when Kara is hurt_ , but Alex had heard _you have to stay by my side when Kara is hurt_.

Maggie had meant _you have to treat me like a partner, like your soulmate, no matter how upset you are_ , but Alex had heard _be perfect or I’ll leave you_.

 ** _Fuck_**.

“No,” Maggie says as quickly as she can, and this time it’s _her_ voice that comes out in a desperate gasp. "No, Ally. No.” She shakes her head and notices, with a detached part of her brain, that a couple of tears come loose from her eyelashes. “Alex, no. Babe, I love you. I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you. God, Alex. No.”

Alex gapes at her, her jaw a little slack, her face a pale, waxy mask of confusion. “But I—”

But Maggie doesn’t let her finish. “Alex, please. Love, please. Let me explain.”

And Alex, so slowly, nods.

Maggie sinks onto her stool, keeping both of her hands firmly wrapped around one of Alex’s.

“That night, I was…I didn’t mean you couldn’t mess up, Alex, and I definitely didn’t mean that you couldn’t help Kara however or wherever you need to. That’s your job, and she’s your _sister_ , Al, I know that. I just…” Maggie shakes her head a little, furious with herself for having been so unclear that night. “I just meant that when things are bad, I needed you to come to me, or—or tell me, instead of breaking up with me. That’s…that’s all I meant.”

Maggie takes a deep breath, and says it as clearly as she can. “I just meant that you don’t get to throw me away again. That’s it.”

Alex swallows a little bit.

Maggie tries to answer the question Alex can’t quite bring herself to ask. “And today, you called me. You called me, and you said you loved me. You spent your last minutes on this planet telling me that you loved me, Alex. That’s…” Maggie shakes her head a little, trying to slough off some of the lingering terror of that phone call. “That’s the opposite of throwing me away, love.”

Alex blinks a few times. “You’re…you’re not mad?”

Maggie reaches up and tucks Alex’s hair back, almost impossibly gently. “No,” she says, giving the word as much weight as she can. “I love you,” she says simply. “I’m proud of you, for what you did for Kara today. And for what you did for me, too.”

Alex looks like she can’t quite decide if she wants to laugh or cry again.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t clear, that night,” Maggie says, her hand still cupping Alex’s cheek. “I’m sorry I made you so scared.”

But Alex just shakes her head before tilting forward and dropping it onto Maggie’s shoulder.

Maggie stands again, wrapping her arms around Alex like before.

“I love you so much,” Alex mumbles into her chest. “I just want to be with you forever.”

Maggie kisses the top of her head – long and lingering – and she feels her terror and panic slowly start to leak out of her body. They have a lot of work to do, a lot of communication to improve, a lot of thought they need to give to things like this.

But Alex is here – back on this Earth and safe and whole and in her arms – and Alex wants to be with her forever and Alex loves her and Alex wants Maggie to be hers.

And, _god_ , Maggie has been hers for years and years.

“Forever sounds pretty good to me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you all enough for your support of this story. The Revelations-Verse means the world to me, and I just love sharing it all with you so much.
> 
> Please make sure to leave me any prompts you have for this fic, either here in the comments or over my tumblr. I've got my asks open these days, so I'd also love to hear from you on my tumblr about what you think, what questions you have, any Revelations thoughts! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and being the best imaginary friends in the world.
> 
> Come visit me on my tumblr (performativezippers) and twitter (p_zippers) to learn useless things about my life, read my rants, see endless gifs about Gertrude, and support my other work. Heart ya.


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